Brush It Off

 Everyday is a struggle and I've been fucking up. I'm a loser and very undisciplined. I tell myself to do something and when shit hits the fan I just revert to my old ways.  I am lying to myself.

What the fuck am I really doing? 
Do I really want to fuck up on the only thing that I might be descent at?
Am I fucking around too much?
Should I go back to school and try being like everyone else?
Am I really improving?

Asking these questions really hurts because I truly want to make it. However, I'm holding myself back from achieving what I want to achieve. I need to ask myself if I am serious because it doesn't feel like it at this point. I find myself joking around and having a grand old time and I am sick of it. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

Just thinking about it has brought a wave of negativity around me. I get fucking voices in my head screaming at me.

"You can't do it"
"Fuck you"
"You are dead"

I just gotta brush it off. To get what I want, I have to stop thinking about all the bullshit and focus. I must stay calm. I must figure out what I am doing wrong and fix it. I need to stop fucking around and actually get with the program. All this negative thinking is what is causing the problem. It is a distraction from what is important. I need to know about the problem, fix the problem, and move on as fast as possible.

In order to solve my problem, I need to do things the right way. There are many ways to solve a problem and some ways take longer than others. I must find the best and fastest way if I am going to make it.

Simple as that.