Now I am lost, I have been able to get back on track on studies, but I think I may be so out of the game that my teacher has lost respect for me. I have one more essay, which is my last chance to regain my respect from this teacher. If I fail, then I think that it would be over for me and I will have no more chances to move on forward. This is a huge problem, as I am already behind as it is and I can not afford to move more backwards. The world has lost its meaning as I have nothing else to do, but to catch up. I tend to do that, but I need a new plan and a new goal. I need some new connections and new ideas on how to obtain this. The plan I tried before didn't work because of the wrong reason I was doing it for. Since I have a new way on approaching it, I must do it quickly or I will die with the sinking ship.
Another problem is what to do with this blog. I am not sure if I should stick with it or to discard it. I now understand why people do not regularly update. They have lost total motivations to update. I have discussed this issue in another post. I do not tend to leave some of the few who are actually reading, so I need to make a decision. Things are the worst they can be now and I still think I am moving towards a downward spiral down to hell.