Everything is at a all time low now. I just made a fatal mistake and these past two days have been dreadful. Even when academics is canceled, I feel that I have no chance of getting anywhere. I read an article about how institutions just advertise so they could get their population for applications up and then reject everyone. I just don't like how they work. I have lost everyone including the people that may have trusted me. I am probably now on my own and have to make my own decisions. I also can not let those decisions fuck up others like I have done today. This is just horrible because everything is going more downhill than ever before. I thought that maybe discipline would help, but I thought wrong.
Now I have to battle to stay awake and this blog has been a failure. Many people may think that if this blog is a failure, then I should close it. I still have 1% faith left that somehow this blog will rise from the grave based on the results. Feb is not a good month and I have to say that January was better. Things are just terrible and I have to fix it somehow. I made people trust me and now I might just break the trust between those people. Not only that, but nobody seems to care. People have turned into animals and how it is survival of the fittest. People are in groups and I am still independent. This has left me no choice, but to maybe join something.
Committing into death may be the best solution for me now. I don't see myself moving forward anymore, only backwards as others move on. I am constantly being dragged down and seeing how things do not move as I want it to move just brings me down. I don't feel like posting or doing anything anymore because whatever I do is just worthless. Nobody really cares about anything. I guess I am just wasting my time doing it for myself. I am always good at wasting time. I wish things were better.
Now I may be thinking to shut it all down or just drag on until everything dies by itself.