Sad Day

I feel an overwhelming sense of defeat today. After making rookie mistakes, I have endured a significant loss. It was due to my initial frustrations which led me making more errors and in turn, more loss.  This coupled with a series of other unfortunate events has made me very sad.  I feel like a complete failure.

What's worse?

There is nobody supporting me anymore, so I am totally alone. By this, I mean there is nobody in the world, but me, that is rooting for me. Maybe it isn't true in spirit, but it practically is. The idea of total abandonment has consumed me and has made me colder everyday. This is not really a path I would like to follow because I don't want to be angry!

Thinking about it more closely, I shouldn't really be complaining about this because the world has bigger problems. From the Ebola outbreak to Gaza's mass killings, I really have no right to complain. Thinking about it even more, complaining about it really makes me a pussy. I should really learn from my mistakes and move forward. After all, I am in the "Bad Work" phase in the circle.

However, how many more times do I have to go through the process of rebuilding my self-esteem before it diminishes into nothing? Perhaps I am fundamentally flawed somewhere which won't allow me to take the necessary steps forward. My foundation has been too soft and can be destroyed with no effort.

Maybe it's time to start to think more strategically.

But before that, let's acknowledge the fact that today has been a sad day.

Dead

There is no more time left. This is what I expected a long time ago but I didn't know it would be this bad. The institute fucked up with so many things that I don't know what will happen next year. I know that I will not be wanted anywhere so I may have to pull some strings. I wouldn't want to do that but if I have no choice, then it is my only choice.