My Wounds

Foto scattata in Italia.

I am seriously fucked up in the head. My life has been a perpetual cycle with no end in sight. I move one step forward and two step backwards every single time. Why does this happen? I guess it is just life.

I realized I never really moved on from my problem and after suffering again, the worst has happened. I confronted it head on and it's over. My plan was unsurprisingly wrong and it has brought back the darkness I felt back then. I realized I took a self-improvement approach last time and it blindly worked well. However, it did take its tolls. This time, I must be more clever with my approach because time is always moving faster and death is waiting by my side everyday. My new approach is more balanced. I must rely on others to help aid me instead of tackling my problem alone. I must continue to grow and improve myself to become the best I could be for myself and not for vengeance. I must take three steps forward and really forget about the past.

This really isn't easy for me, because it is an approach I never tried. I jumped into my first approach blindly and it really brought me down a slippery path that even the pros couldn't justify. I realize that this time must be different or I will really slip off that path. I also discovered that time doesn't heal an improperly treated wound. This is why this time, I was hurt even more. After all that has happened, I don't know if I will ever find anyone for me. I just got lucky the first time and luck isn't exactly my friend. I was told by a young friend to just accept and go through things as how they are and how they are meant to be.

I don't know if I can believe that, but it makes sense. Maybe fate does play a role and everything is just scripted. I just know we are all insignificant in this universe and nothing really matters. There is no point in me forcing these issues. I have bigger problems to worry about.