Dreams

"The Dream" taken in Italy

Whenever you dream, you tend to forget it as soon as you wake up unless you really put in an effort to remembering. This is how I feel right now. I just woke up and didn't even know what my dream was. I probably should have wrote it down.

My dream is over, and I have nothing and everything. What do I mean?

I have to be real with myself to keep improving so let's be real. The most crucial four years of my youth have amounted to absolutely nothing. As I mentioned, I moved backwards and may have failed. However, I did learn a lot about myself in those years and that should, probably not, count for something. I don't care if my approach was reckless because I can't change the past. The only thing I can change is tomorrow.

Reality has hit me below the belt and I have to take it. I must deal with my decisions because they are my responsibilities. It just hurts so much to be wrong and to be constantly berated on doing the things I want. Those who do berate do it in good faith, and I believe that; but only I know what's best for me. The only problem is, what the fuck do I know? I'm just a boy.

As far as my life goes, it would seem that I really have it made and I hate it. I want to make it from the bottom, but it doesn't work like that. My chances of success are much better up here so fine. I will use that to my advantage instead of being a bitch.

I'm going to have a new dream, but this time I'll write it down.

Persist

I wrote this blog for me and anyone who is crazy enough to tag along. Every post represents a snapshot of my state of mind in a particular point in time. I write whenever I need to self-reflect and I thank anyone who takes their time to read my thoughts. My only hope is that it is worth your time. It's funny, because I am only a distraction if this blog wastes your time. So I encourage anyone who find this blog a waste of time to leave for your own good. I want you to forge your own path of success and to be able to tell everyone to fuck off.

Here are for those of you who find this blog somewhat useful:

This blog is directionless like my life. It is all over the place with my pointless thoughts and rambling. There is no focus. I've been working tirelessly for the past year to better myself and everything came tumbling down this week. I don't know what it is, but my mind has just shut down and refuses to do what I want to do. The craziest thing is that whenever I think about it, I don't even know what to do. 

Is that how you are feeling now?

Well, here's my plan:

I will take a step back and evaluate my situation. I must remember what is important and work towards it. Time is a major factor and I must not waste it. I must continue to do what works and discard what doesn't. I must be persistent.

It is the only way to succeed.

A Circle of problems

I guess my life is terrible right now as I am behind a lot of my work and it seems that I can't get motivated to push through. Some may laugh and be like it is my fault but I guess I can't blame them. The whole reason why I am making this blog is to be productive and I guess productivity is an accomplishment for me. This may sound weird but I could guarantee anyone that doing something is better than wasting time doing nothing. Writing in this blog I guess is helping me with my grammar so at least it is something.

A problem I am facing as of now is procrastination. This is typical for any student but I guess I could say I have an extreme case. I have not been doing any homework which has probably brought my grades down but I don't seem to care anymore. My standards have dropped from years before but that is probably because I am taking higher level classes at my school and I can't really even consider them as high.

Not only has there been procrastination problems but friendship problems as well. I have this theory of one friend beats a million friends but then whenever I am around others I guess I get depressed because they are all getting out to play and be happy while I am stuck by myself. This is a problem and everyday I do not address it I know it will get worse. I am lagging way behind but then I have to focus on my work but with procrastination kicking in, nothing seems right.

So lets see....
 Procrastination --> Bad Work -->Depression-->No Friends-->More Depression-->Procrastination

So this is like a circle, I never knew writing things down like this would lead me to see the more general problems. So yea, this circle of problems is not good as you can see. How can I correct this problem? I guess I have to ask myself this... A solution I guess for me would be Self-Motivation, but that is hard to achieve and it might take too long but time is what I have. So if I plugged it in to the circle of problems lets see what I might get...

Procrastination-->Self-Motivation-->Good Work-->Happy Mood-->A little more friends-->Happier Mood-->Self-Motivation-->Happiness...

Well it works only in a perfect world unfortunately....