Mental Block

I have sort of a mental block going on which prevents me from making moves. It is very frustrating to deal with because it's just annoying. Every time I try, there is always something in the back of my mind that tells me to stop.

Is this due to past events?

I could say I will stop fucking around, but does that really mean anything? I will stumble constantly until I make a permanent change. I don't know if I am capable of doing this.

Is time really the answer?

If so, then I don't think I can ever make a move.

Fuck This Day

I have failed to follow my own advice and basically destroyed myself. This advice which I told myself to always have in mind has not really failed me but today was the day I had luck on my side. Today overall is a horrible day for me because it just is. I still have a chance to make it up for whats left of it. I just hate myself now because of the mistake I made. I am not sure how much more failures will come towards my way because I have not learned from my mistakes.

Yesterday was not a good day, even on the special occasion.  My freedoms have been stripped from me and I am constantly tired. The day of the big exam has also failed me dearly causing me to lose my path to a career and job. Why do everything have to be emphasized in test scores and results? That is a question that I want to know. I am sitting here today finding out the worst possibility scenario for myself. I dug myself a hole which I will never dig myself out of.

I hope anyone reading this will take my advice and move past me so here you go...

If you have to go somewhere but did not prepare for what you have to do, just go anyways. Luck is usually on your side and you just lose the cost of one thing to gain many others.  Sorry for my grammar errors on everything, but I am extremely angry and lonely in this world.