My Thoughts on Time

Found in Italy. Wonderful artwork by artist A. Bauesi or A. Barresi

When I was looking for a way to rid my sickness, I knew things were going south again. This wasn't the first time I was lost and it certainly won't be the last. Through my agony, I knew I was once again wasting time but didn't know to what extent. It wasn't until I started measuring time when something inside me clicked. We don't have as much time as we think we do.  

Dive in with me and see for yourself:

How much time do we have from tomorrow until the end of the year? Today is November 1st and there are 30 days left in November. Let's add the 31 days in December on to that which makes 61 days in total. We have 24 hours in a day so in total, we have 1464 hours to spend our time. Let's divide this up.

Eat - 2 hours a day * 61 days =  122 hours
Sleep - 8 hours a day * 61 days = 488 hours
Work - 5 hours a day * 61 days = 305 hours
Play - ???
Total = 915/1464 = 62.5% of our time on the essentials.
What's left = What will you do with the remaining 549 hours? Watch TV?

I came up with some conservative numbers which I think is reasonable. Your hours may be different, because everyone is different. However, the main idea is all humans are operating under this time. It is what they do with it that differentiates them from everyone else. If we extend this idea to our death, it really opens our eyes to how much time we really have. After looking at time in this manner, I understood what I really needed to do. I decided not to waste a second more because it really is finite. So the next time you do something you consider a distraction, just remember back to the calculations I made above.

I certainly will.

Mental Block

I have sort of a mental block going on which prevents me from making moves. It is very frustrating to deal with because it's just annoying. Every time I try, there is always something in the back of my mind that tells me to stop.

Is this due to past events?

I could say I will stop fucking around, but does that really mean anything? I will stumble constantly until I make a permanent change. I don't know if I am capable of doing this.

Is time really the answer?

If so, then I don't think I can ever make a move.

Improving Thyself

Well, since I lost the best thing I ever had because of my stupid ways, I must continue forward. Don't get me wrong, I will still admire her, but I must get on with it or I will really fall into some depression. I am sorry about rambling about this stuff since you guys probably heard it a million times by now.

Okay, so I have to start anew. I have to be able to get on somehow, but it is really hard. Like the invisible force, something is blocking me from moving on. Maybe my head is fucking around with me, but I don't really know. So I'll stop rambling and will stop fucking around. I have been reading my previous posts on self-reliance and I think it's the right time to start applying them again. I have taken a year break to figure things out and now I am back with vengeance. All I have to say is fucking " watch out" because I'll be back!

Invisible Force

There is an invisible force that is keeping me from doing heavy work. I still do not know what it is, but it is annoying. I wish I could just tear the wall down and move on. I have wasted too much time doing nothing and should be starting. This weekend was supposed to be a time of focus, but so far it has turned into some kind of joke. I must find this invisible force and attack it down to the ground. If I do not, then I know it may be the end of me.

There is nothing much to say on this blog anymore.