Go out and do

There are certain situations where you see others do the same thing you do and you tell yourself that you can do better. I see this many times and I just get pissed off.

I realized that I can't let it get to me. If I do, it is just a waste of time.  The only way to beat this is to channel the energy into practice and hard work. This is the only way to improve.

Another thing I noticed is the fact that even though you practice really hard. If nobody can actually see it, it is sort of a waste. I need an open channel to display my abilities.

Mental Block

I have sort of a mental block going on which prevents me from making moves. It is very frustrating to deal with because it's just annoying. Every time I try, there is always something in the back of my mind that tells me to stop.

Is this due to past events?

I could say I will stop fucking around, but does that really mean anything? I will stumble constantly until I make a permanent change. I don't know if I am capable of doing this.

Is time really the answer?

If so, then I don't think I can ever make a move.

The World Is Mine

I think it's time for me to stop fucking around. Things are getting too far out of hand and I need to fix it. I have become too attached to someone and now it's time to cut off all ties. I now realize how dangerous of a road I have taken and will not do it again. My mental state is weak and not stable. My head is spinning out of control and the time I am sleeping is not helping.

I need to get the fuck out before it's too late. The world is my oyster and it's fucking time I treat it like it.

Improving Thyself

Well, since I lost the best thing I ever had because of my stupid ways, I must continue forward. Don't get me wrong, I will still admire her, but I must get on with it or I will really fall into some depression. I am sorry about rambling about this stuff since you guys probably heard it a million times by now.

Okay, so I have to start anew. I have to be able to get on somehow, but it is really hard. Like the invisible force, something is blocking me from moving on. Maybe my head is fucking around with me, but I don't really know. So I'll stop rambling and will stop fucking around. I have been reading my previous posts on self-reliance and I think it's the right time to start applying them again. I have taken a year break to figure things out and now I am back with vengeance. All I have to say is fucking " watch out" because I'll be back!