Distractions

Distractions are everywhere, news, sports, and even the internet itself. How much time have you wasted catching up with your favorite sport's teams? How much time have you wasted watching the news? How much time have you wasted binge watching videos on YouTube? I know I wasted many hours doing all these and started to realize that it has done nothing but waste my time and energy. Time and energy are valuable resources and should only be devoted to the things that MATTER.

The only people who should be focused on those mentioned above are the people who make a living off them. Are you making money by betting on teams? Fine! Are you a program manager at NBC and are forced to watch the news to see if it's good? Great! Are you making money by watching random YouTube videos? Fantastic! If you don't do any of those and are poor, then it's a waste of time. These are only a few of the many distractions that are out there. Anything that doesn't help you achieve your goals is a DISTRACTION.

How many hours are wasted  reading these answers?

We have been seduced folks.

The problem has grown bigger than I have ever imagined. Marketers have figured us out and are stealing our time and energy. It's evil in plain sight and we have welcomed it into our lives. We have grown so used to it that we even enjoy it. It's time to recognize and reject these evils.

It's time to focus.

Nothing Matters

Nothing fucking matters. Nobody gives a fuck about you or me because nothing matters. Nothing matters because most of the shit in life don't matter. It is only YOU who can make it matter. If something matters, then put your energy into it until it doesn't matter anymore. It might take days, months, or even forever, but you gotta do it. If you don't, then it truly doesn't matter.

I am saying all this because a lot of bad shit has been happening to me, but I don't give a fuck because it doesn't matter. There are only a few things that matter TO ME and that is the stuff I should really be focused on. If I focused on the things that don't matter, then I would just be wasting my time.

Find out what matters and what doesn't. Focus on the things that do matter because that's the only way to succeed.

Lost

There are so many things that I want to be good at, but I am beginning to understand that I cannot master everything. I tried to follow my plan of being solid at my favorite activities but realize that I will lose those skills if I stop practicing. I spend every day diversifying my time and energy on different things which puts me out of focus. There are only so many hours in a day and I cannot be juggling 5 different things at once. It is not efficient and will not make me good. Most of the activities I like are also location dependent meaning I can only do them if I have access to those practice facilities. Once I move to a different location, I no longer have the facilities to continue practicing. I must find a constant for all these activities if I am to succeed. Over the weeks, it seems I am at a loss of what I really want to do.

I have a drive to be the best at something, but I can't pinpoint what exactly. It seems like my mind is guiding me to things that are very risky. For this reason, I don't want to dive too deep to realize that I am actually no good. I think the answer is to keep doing what I like and whatever I don't stop doing is the thing I really want to do. It will come to the process of natural selection in my mind. Whatever thing I do the most is the thing I really care for. The things I stop doing are the things I don't really care about. I think this is an approach I must take to move forward. It may be the only way to pick a few instead of all.

I don't want to waste anymore time and energy on things I am not serious about. I must keep on pushing forward because if I stop, it will be over. It's my only choice because anything else will lead to failure. I want to be the best. I suggest anyone in the same boat to do the same. Keep pushing!

Mental Block

I have sort of a mental block going on which prevents me from making moves. It is very frustrating to deal with because it's just annoying. Every time I try, there is always something in the back of my mind that tells me to stop.

Is this due to past events?

I could say I will stop fucking around, but does that really mean anything? I will stumble constantly until I make a permanent change. I don't know if I am capable of doing this.

Is time really the answer?

If so, then I don't think I can ever make a move.

Madness

Have I become mad?

The idea of time has gotten to me. I seem to have no time to do anything anymore. Hours pass like minutes while weeks pass like days. My big dream of higher education seems to be falling apart and I am not sure if that is normal. Maybe it takes time to adapt, but it doesn't look like it. I seemed to have relapsed into a poor state of mind where anything and everything have become distractions. Maybe this is the reason I have no sense of time.

I think the computer is the enemy due to its distractions. I have taken measures to make sure that my computer did not get the best of me, but it did and I guess I am in a constant struggle with it. I really am not sure how to deal with it anymore except for throwing it all away. The big problem is that the computer has become a necessity for life today.

What really is the problem is myself though. I have become soft and lazy. I simply do not care anymore and that is a bigger problem. I need a way to discipline myself, but for some reason, I am just too tired to do so.

The world is spinning while I am slowly dying. I made mistakes that cannot be fixed and I am paying the price for it now.

A New Hope

A new time and era is coming for me and this is actually something that can be very exciting. But, I have to be very careful because one wrong step can kill me. I have to be strong by fighting the evil spirits inside me; and not only that, but I have to evaluate each individual to make sure they are okay. These are going to be strange times for me because I have been away from that environment for such a long time. I am not sure how I am going to fit in, especially when I am already depressed.

The things I am doing will determine my future. Everything depends if I enjoy it or not and if I don't, then I am in big trouble. It means my core ideas have been flawed from the start and I will probably have to start over. Since I am very late in my studies, that would not be a good thing so I will have to try my hardest to survive. There will probably be plenty of distractions, but I will have to fight them off to make sure everything is okay.

It's a new hope for me and probably the last chance I will get for a while.

Am I blind?

I don't know how to answer this question, but I must be blind. I couldn't see the best thing that happened to me and now, I can't see what is going on anymore. Everything to me is just like a mysterious mist that looms over the horizon. There are no happy feelings anymore, just darkness followed by more darkness. My eyes and soul are tired and it seems like the only thing left for me is death. It seems like there is no reversal for this kind of feeling. Unless I come up with something quick, I will be just another blind man who is feeling the elephant for the first time. But the real question is, why am I blind?

It probably is because I don't trust anyone. I have become paranoid and it has taken a toll on my mind. Things are just not as good as I think anymore. My mind has been too spoiled and it's time to start from the beginning again.

Posting??

So I have to say, these past couple of months have been a roller coaster. I am just writing about my experiences and how things are. Everything still sucks and I have been learning a lot lately. I think that at the end of the tunnel, there won't be any night. Only eternal darkness darkness awaits me on the other side. I learned that I can not depend on others because if I do, things will be bad. I must stick to the fundamentals if I am ever to live in this world.

What is striking me now is Staying Focused. For some reason I have lost grasp of humanity and might just give up because I don't have the impressive resume for other people to see. This has been going through a lot of people's minds. I have one thing to say though...

Screw the others because they could worry all they want. We only have one life to live and I know you guys heard this like a million times already. Nobody can have what they want. I have learned that the hard way. I tried to get what I want and what I get is poor results. I think I just wanted too much and I have failed at the end. I lost faith in myself and when I should be catching up, I am slacking off. The way to fix this is just to go Cold Turkey. I have thought of ways... Work Ethics and Solutions. However, if one gives up then, one gives up forever. I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED or else I won't make it alive.

I have to say though, people don't see a good opportunity right in front of them. They sometimes have to take a bus to a middle of nowhere and find a small coffee shop to sit in. I want to do that one day, I just want to forget about all my problems and take a bus to a middle of nowhere. At least over there I could commit an act and nobody would ever know. I wouldn't even have to worry about it. 

I never believed in this blog and I still don't. I just write to report in on what I see and want to stay consistent. I have seen other kinds of similar things and they always fail to keep updated with their readers. It pisses me off because it seems that if one doesn't post anything, they have succeeded. They don't tell anyone though. For me, I will never succeed.

Homework..

Starting homework at 2am in the morning is never a good idea. I do not know how this happened but it just did. However I do not find myself at all tired and I know if I lay down I will wake up at like 6am panicking, so I will just listen to some music and will open my books. I have to remind myself that I have a lot of time left. I have five hours left before school starts and that's plenty, I can finish all my homework in five hours and if I am lucky get like a thirty minute break. Wish me luck whoever is out there.