My Wounds

Foto scattata in Italia.

I am seriously fucked up in the head. My life has been a perpetual cycle with no end in sight. I move one step forward and two step backwards every single time. Why does this happen? I guess it is just life.

I realized I never really moved on from my problem and after suffering again, the worst has happened. I confronted it head on and it's over. My plan was unsurprisingly wrong and it has brought back the darkness I felt back then. I realized I took a self-improvement approach last time and it blindly worked well. However, it did take its tolls. This time, I must be more clever with my approach because time is always moving faster and death is waiting by my side everyday. My new approach is more balanced. I must rely on others to help aid me instead of tackling my problem alone. I must continue to grow and improve myself to become the best I could be for myself and not for vengeance. I must take three steps forward and really forget about the past.

This really isn't easy for me, because it is an approach I never tried. I jumped into my first approach blindly and it really brought me down a slippery path that even the pros couldn't justify. I realize that this time must be different or I will really slip off that path. I also discovered that time doesn't heal an improperly treated wound. This is why this time, I was hurt even more. After all that has happened, I don't know if I will ever find anyone for me. I just got lucky the first time and luck isn't exactly my friend. I was told by a young friend to just accept and go through things as how they are and how they are meant to be.

I don't know if I can believe that, but it makes sense. Maybe fate does play a role and everything is just scripted. I just know we are all insignificant in this universe and nothing really matters. There is no point in me forcing these issues. I have bigger problems to worry about.

Broken Heart

I am really tired and sick of my feelings. It's been killing me in the inside and I don't really know how to use it to my benefit. I really feel like dying. I need to do something about it.

It's time to man up or die.

And Yet We Live...

The world was supposed to end yesterday but I guess we have been spared another chance. I was hoping for a apocalypse, but now I must carry out my plans as best as I can. I have much to do but I will do when I please.

The World Is Ending

This may be the last time I am writing on this blog. There is news that the Rapture may come tomorrow and all will be dead. I tend to believe these kinds of things as a distraction so that if it does happen, I have something to look forward to. If it is the end, then Good Bye every reader that reads this. I don't know the full story so I will check and find it out myself. I really doubt things will end, but lets just wait and see. It is already 5/21/11 in some other part of the world and there is no signs of apocalypse yet.

Good Luck and Have Fun Tomorrow, I know I will.

Friends??

Meh, everyone surpasses me all around and I am the one always stuck behind, but you know what? Fuck Them.

SELF-RELIANCE is the key. All one needs is himself and then things will be better. I must start practicing this concept and have people come to me. It actually has been working but I was thinking about pushing it into a more extreme. Instead of getting angry about it, I use the energy to do more productive things.

I have been very depressed lately around this time but I have actually started to get work done. This is probably because I have built up my resistance  into a higher level. Like back to my old-self last year. This time though, I am starting to like it but from the above is what I do hate. The stuff going on above has just been pissing me off and I need to avoid it because there are always better people out there. However this brings me to my next point.

Since I haven't been doing too well in school, it has hit me that I won't get into the next level of the great holy education which everyone needs in this country. This is most unfortunate because I would be disappointed.  However, I think life is going to be more easy and open so I must keep my eyes opened. There are things out there and I have to take the best opportunities. Friends will only slow one down and especially me. Other people's happiness brings me down and that is truly sad. I will find a way around it and will post.

Did you know that there was a study that the other person may actually be more depressed than you when you think they are happy. Doesn't that already make you happy?

Japan

I wish Japan with the best of luck. The Nuclear Radiation is becoming more and more of a problem which isn't a good thing.

If anyone would donate, it would be for a good cause.

Bad Day? Again?

Well, today was suppose to be some kind of special day, but again it wasn't. My judgment seems to be clouded from the reality. The days of happiness are over and the time of sorrow and regret will set in soon. I think that I have to move somewhere by myself or else I would be shrouded with threats. Things have never been good for me and I was even planning to delete this blog because I have lost interest. The thing is, I haven't really lost interest. Maybe the readers have lost interest because of my repetition of writing with no progress.

Nobody ever recognizes others feelings because they oversee it or do not care. Every action taken by one will always have a counter reaction. As time days get warmer, my heart will become colder. I will only be happy when I get put to sleep or I hit the lottery. I am thinking about quitting, but maybe that is a lie. Too much confusion and misjudgment will be my downfall. My future is totally unclear and I can not slip anymore. I must regain my confidence and move forward. I will do that in the coldest way I can if I could. I need to start reviewing and get everything done. 

Things have gotten serious. If I do not start now, it will be over. Others have worked already and now it is my turn.

New Month

New month and new challenges awaits me. Damn, what am I talking about? My life is still in shambles and everything is just going downhill. I am believing in false prosperity and I already told myself that it didn't work. I am tricking myself and that isn't good. I wasted my time and prioritizing poorly. I just want to be left alone and be a wandering assailant or something like that. Why does everything have to be so bad? Is life always this bad? I don't think so because others seem happy. I have to raise my weapon one day and then go to sleep or something. Things aren't good.

I saw a program on the television talking about social networks. They had studies that proved my point (Comments/Pictures.) They stated that the pictures are total bullshit and that people have a tendency to believe that others are having a great time. It leads to more depression like what I said. This proves my theory that my own studies are correct. Social Networking sites are killers and should be avoided. That is what I learned and I am going to keep to that.

I haven't been saying much in this blog because there isn't much to say. I have pretty much exhausted my words and I just don't have anything interesting. Just depressing and more depressing with each post. I could fake my posts and say things are improving or I could tell the hard truth and say that life is becoming death. I have made an emergency backup plan if things fail. This backup plan will be going back to square one and I will be happy there. Anyways, this blog has been a waste and I am sorry that I wasted a lot of your time reading into this shit. I'll keep you updated though, after all a goal of this blog is to help at least one person. Please heed my warnings and look into my theories so you could maybe somehow improve and be better than me.

Deductive Reasoning

I have lost something important and I am trying my best to recover it. I have written a series of things I remember on when I saw this item. It should be helping, but there is only one problem. The problem is the transitional phases between the events. I can not figure out what happened between the events and where the object may have been during those periods of time. I also can not figure out how I remember one major event which was putting it on the floor before dozing off. It doesn't seem to make sense. Maybe that part was some kind of illusion and I never really did that. I remember doing it, so I concluded that it should be in the house, but it isn't. Something went wrong somewhere and it is my job to figure it out. There are three possibilities and I hope one of the three isn't true.

I also reported this to some people I know and as a strange response, I get a callback from a strange number. I do not pick up because I do not have a mic so I do not know who it is. I want to find out though because they may have the answers to my problem. Things are getting stranger by the minute and I need to start studying or I will fail my examination tests to pass to the next levels of life.

North Korea

We will see what happens as things unravel. I hope things get interesting, if not then North Korea won this one I have to say. I'll write a full thing on this when I have more time and when more things happen. Kind of history in the making, so don't miss it.

Moving On

If you have just seen that other post Best Ipod Touch Texting/Voice App I made, I thought it was okay. So here is the background info of how I got into this kind of texting service thing.

I was on my way back from Asia going home when I met this person. We would have nice communications and that person recommended me to get Texting, I did not like the idea of it at first but then went along since that person lives a long way from my house. So I did my research and tested the product of TextFree and it was perfect, it had the mix of Texting/Voice and everything was nice. So I guess that was pretty good. I will update you guys if I have any second opinions on the TextFree. I do have something to say about the Peel 520 though, I just think people should wait until they get it.
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Now Moving on, I wanted to give a shout out or say Hi to Lel from Lel1996's Stardoll Blog. I guess I wanted to do it because I kind of left a spam comment but it wasn't really but it would be nice to talk to her some time to get opinions and ideas.

I was reading a little bit on her blog and I realized that she went through some struggles similar towards mine but in different ways. So I hope if she ever reads this, I guess I am here to say I am with her on it. Even though I must start from scratch, if I read correctly, she had the support of YouTube and an already established community base.

End of the road

Well, I still didn't start my homework and it is getting late. I am going to swear to myself right now that I am going to start my homework right after I finish posting this post. I really hope this is going to help me because I have a feeling that it might. I have so much work to catch up on and had so much time to finish it but it is all with procrastination. As I can check the statistic of the blog, I can see it is going nowhere, nobody has even seen any of my posts, so I guess this will be a self-journal thing only for myself. I can see that I can not in anyway achieve my goals.

It is quite sad really, I thought before I made this blog that I had a chance to at least get like 20 views and 2 consistent readers. Blogging is harder then it looks and that has made it more depressing for me. I think I might need some help or talk to someone that could help but that goes against my concept of self-help which I will post later in my self-journal. I don't know if I could continue writing posts like this because it is just a waste of time for me. The thing is I think that posting this post might actually help me than hurt. I heard from a person before that it is better to express the emotions before dying from it. So here goes, I wish myself the best of luck, when I click "Publish Post" I will stop everything I am doing and start focusing on my first homework assignment. A good friend or my only friend watching out for me told me something that I thought I knew but I really didn't "Take it one step at a time." I am going to follow that suggestion and this will be my first step to recovery. Here goes nothing...

Today is the day

Today I am going to try my best to get started on homework so I won't have to worry about it over the weekend. I do have I must attend to soon, so I will try to start now and then when I get back I will be more focused on it since I already started it. Since I may be wasting my time typing this post out, I am not sure how much time it will take for me to finish it. This will be my first initiative to start my homework and stay ahead so then I would be less stressed and break the circle of problems that I had. So let the initiation start now and lets hope for the best.

About Yesterday and Goals

So as you guys could see if you read any of my posts, I am pretty much in some weird depressed state. Doing homework may be helpful but for me, homework is just a nuisance and very annoying. Even though it is annoying, I think that doing homework is beneficial but like I said before from my "Starting Homework" post, it is too hard to start homework. Also, I was suppose to start it yesterday, but I still never started it yet because there is no reward for it. I am definitely sure that if I started it now, I would love doing it and that is the weird thing.

So what are my goals from this pointless blog? Well lets see, I am thinking about writing as much as I could and I will end the blog in 2012. So from now to 2012, my goal is to at least have 1 person to follow this blog or at least 1 person that this blog has helped. This might be impossible but hopefully, I will get there eventually. After this goal is achieved, I will post up my new goals daily.

Giving Up Already...

So this is my third post I guess and I guess I am thinking about how sad it is to write in a blog that nobody would ever find as there are millions of other blogs out there. So I guess I have to find out ways on how to make mine stick out and I guess that would be my new goal. It is funny because I am already thinking about quitting because I think it is a waste of time being here. I could think of millions of other things to do...


 This is part of my problem, I am not thinking positively as I am already in a depressed mood. I guess you could say I feel lonely sitting at home. Some would say I should be outside but the problem with that is I would have nowhere to go outside. I see people always saying go outside for a change... but what is outside? I would say the Sun is outside and good old nature. That doesn't solve any real problems at all. Going outside with no plan is unproductive but going outside with a plan is though.

I still can't believe that I am thinking about quitting. This is not the way I should approach things and I will do my best to continue writing to an non-existent audience. I guess my motives was to have readers, but I have learned that in order to have readers, I must produce quality content. I am not sure if my content has quality but content is content. I will try to earn my readers respect for me and to start with that I will gain more confidence and to start I won't delete this blog which I just made about 30 minutes ago.